since boundaries have been broken and personal space been seriously violated, this journal will from now on be friends-only. i do not appreciate being made to feel uncomfortable in my own cyberspace, but if i have to take measures to protect myself, then i will.

i am very specific about who i allow to read this. if i didn't tell you where to find it, then you have no business reading it. hello, goodbye.

went to start working on Dot's apartment this afternoon. it was worse than i thought. john and terry said Dot had once admitted that she hadn't cleaned since she moved it, and it definitely showed; there were dustbunnies like mad and everything was nicotine-stained. she also neurotically hoarded groceries. actually, she neurotically hoarded everything. you name it, she had about 40 of it still in the package.

we managed to be pretty cold about things, taking things we thought we could use and boxing up the rest to either throw out or bring to the goodwill. however, it doesn't look like we even touched anything except for the fact that there are no books left in the bookcase. this is going to be a very long project, and i don't know how much i can help out. between my mom backseat driving, all the clutter and the fact that everyone talks over everyone else, i'm gonna go crazy if i have to go there every day.

and then, to have to come home to my no-less-cluttered bedroom, where my overfull hamper had spilled on the way out the door before... i'm doing laundry now, regardless of being tired and sore, just so i don't snap and throw out everything i own. as soon as the horror convention i'm going to is out of the way, i'm gonna buckle down on the job search, and subsequently the apartment search. but i can only concentrate on one thing at once, and the con is in two weeks.

i have a lot to get together for that, including a costume for the saturday night showing of Rocky Horror. i bought new fishnets, which make me happy. i haven't had fishnets since college. i want to find a schoolgirl skirt, but i think it's a bit after the season. might have to order one from Torrid.com. or might just have to suffice with a little black skirt. all i know is, it has to look good with tall black vinyl FMBs :D i mean, i can't very well go spend a weekend with a bunch of geeky boys while not looking my best, right? ;) (i'm so bad.)

You may ask me a real question about any OR all of the following:

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Miscellaneous (your choice)


List slightly modified from the original.

Comments will not be screened (enjoy the voyeurism :-P), but be as candid and direct or as naughty as you want - and I will do the same, so keep that in mind with what you ask. :-)

Aunt Dot passed away this morning.

i initially had this with the last post, but then i realized that it was too many downer posts in a row, so i took this out to make a nice break from all the anger and depression.

on a slight upnote... i got my copy of the soundtrack for "The Last Unicorn." listening to it now and it's making me happier... funny, as i was typing that, it made me think of the scene where Haggard talks about how the unicorns are the only thing that makes him happy. there's no croaky Mia Farrow on here, and in a way, i miss it... that's the version i grew up with. instead, it's the girl who sings for Amalthea in the duet with Lir (and it's funny that it's printed "Lear" on the CD).

might go to a cheapie movie with K tonight. i think i should, because i don't get out enough, but while i don't feel up to it yet, i also don't want to go out too late. going to (fucking freezing cold) NYC tomorrow (at BFE a.m., or 0-stupid:30 as Kimpy calls it... i always loved that *G*)

when i got home from work yesterday, Aunt Dot was sitting on the couch, talking to Mom. she's decompensated so much... i swear, knowing you're sick makes you get sicker. she's on oxygen and using a walker. it's like her mind is going already (not that she was 100% together to begin with, but she wasn't even making sense). she opened her Yule gifts, and i was trying to tell her about the owl i gave her, the personal significance it held for me in regard to her... she didn't even understand. and the other part of her gift was a gas card, which in the moment i felt like an asshole for :| *sigh...* i know i couldn't have known when i bought it the turn her life would take, but i still felt like i was slapping her in the face.

she left yesterday to go to the hospital, from where she would be placed in a nursing home. when i got back from thursday girls i asked Mom if we'd heard anything, but she said we hadn't.

i'm aware of the inevitable end, but i'm still scared.

called tv girl for the second night in a row to ask which tickets i need to get for the monster movie convention we're going to next month. last night, she didn't answer and never called back. managed to get her tonight and she was all "you left a message?" grr. found out while i was talking to her what our thursday plans are (nice of S to tell me like we'd agreed on) and that we're supposed to go to the city to see a play this weekend for S's birthday. um, hello?

called S... since she'd said two weeks ago "i'd like to go to the city for my birthday," and since we'd thrown around half a dozen ideas about what we were going to do there, i was apparently supposed to magically know that we were definitely going to the city and definitely seeing a show. pardon me for not having my telepathy antenna up. i told her i understood that she and B live together and so talk about things, that she and tv girl talk a lot anyway, that information gets relayed among them, but that just because B and i work together doesn't mean we get to talk to each other. in fact, some weeks, we don't even see each other. "oh, yeah, i guess i do assume that the two of you talk..."

is it something about me? i feel like a fucking afterthought everywhere i go. no one tells me anything because they assume someone else is going to, or that i've magically gleaned things from ancient half-assed conversations. sorry, but a brainstorming session two weeks ago doesn't tell me what was decided on, and i shouldn't have to remain nestled up someone's arse just to be in the loop on things. (truth be told, much as i like them, if i saw any one of them more often than i do, i'd have to throttle them.) they sure as hell don't contact me any more frequently than when we're going to get together, and i don't feel the need to do so with them, but dammit, a little advance notice, please?! if i hadn't needed to call tv girl tonight, i would have had to wait until thursday to find out about this weekend, and probably equally as accidentally.

thursday is another story... we'd started that new rotating weeks thing, and it was S's week last week. she had been out in CA for school and her flight home on thursday was delayed to the point where she wouldn't be home until late, so we made other plans. i had no idea whether we were going to skip her week or bump her week to this one. the rule is that the person planning calls all the others NO LATER than wednesday. was i going to get a call tomorrow, or was it assumed that B, in all her self-centered glory, supposed to tell me? setting up the weeks this way was supposed to eliminate there being last-minute bullshit, or in my case, someone being left completely out of the loop.

i got an Aunt Dot update tonight. it's not good.

she keeps falling down. she won't stop smoking. she doesn't want to eat and only wants to drink soda and tea (she's diabetic). it's like she's trying to expedite the process. in a way, where it's inevitable, i almost can't blame her... but i'm still angry. i found out, too, that her coming down for christmas part two was supposed to happen when she told Mom she was ready, and Mom hasn't heard from Dot yet. knowing Dot, she's waiting for Mom to call her so she (Dot) can make a melodrama out of it.

she was in such good spirits when she was at the hospital, almost eerily so, Dot being Dot. i'd almost hate to see her now. i'm also angry at her because she's always said things like "well, if i'm still around next year..." it's almost like she wished this on herself or something, like she negative-thinkinged herself into being sick. i know, smoking and not taking care of one's being diabetic is the greater part, but the other plays a role, too.

just... gah.

had a great day in the city with Egha and Aunt Vickey. they drove down to the house and picked me up so we wouldn't have to worry about finding each other on the train. we went to Canal St. and went into the back rooms of shops to browse knock-off purses, haggled with peddlers, visited the tent bazaar on B'way. i introduced them to Pearl River and the Container Store, both of which they loved. we introduced Aunt Vickey to the joys of the subway and crossing the street when you're not supposed to. we also subjected her to Urban Outfitters and Ricky's (the latter of which she said was "interesting" lol).

my score for the day: a fake Dolce & Gabbana bag. i tried to find it online with no luck, so i took pictures.

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g276/Mwyaren/fanpursecloseup.jpg

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g276/Mwyaren/fanpurse.jpg

i got a gorgeous silver cuff bracelet with a big light purple stone, a velvet burn-out scarf that's black with blue flowers, a cranberry and silver coin belt, bamboo boxes, some teas and a few other odds and ends.

Aunt Vickey and Egha found themselves some backroom purses and Aunt Vickey got some scarves; they also got some trinkets and such at Pearl River, and Egha got some perfume.

all in all, it was a good day :) we went to the Yankee Clipper for dinner when we got back, where i had a Belgian waffle with bananas and walnuts on it. yum!

back home now with my take scattered across my bed. i should put this all away soon lol.

and as a side note about the movie: i love the scene at the reception where they dance to "Jambalaya." makes me miss Nawlins.

http://s58.photobucket.com/albums/g276/Mwyaren/Dragonsmoot%20January%205-8/

only 16 out of the 104 i kept. most were of art i liked or pretty buildings, so little of any relevance to anyone else, hence i shant bore you lol.